Rosencrantz (crantz) wrote,
Rosencrantz
crantz

Fic post: This Term At Night Vale Community College

Title: This Term At Night Vale Community College
Authors: Phosfate, Rosencrantz
Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale
Rating: G
Summary Cecil gives a rundown of the City Council-sanctioned courses being offered this term by the Night Vale Community College.







Good news, listeners! Night Vale Community College announced today that this fall it will expand from its course list! Previously Night Vale Community College taught only one course, Applied Pleading, but change is good, isn't it, listeners?

  • Human Origins

  • Human Organs

  • Runestones 101

  • Dark Prophecy (advanced course)

  • Basket Weaving (Just to interject here, listeners, this class is taught by Steve Carlsberg and I would advise against enrolling. It'll be awful. Just awful. He tries to sell his baskets at the The Night Vale Green Market Co-Op and they are some of the worst baskets I have ever seen. Why does he think he has the qualifications to teach? Who would even hire him? And now, back to the list)

  • Black Helicopter Maintenance

  • The Darkness Inside You

  • The Spiders Inside You

  • Sanctioned History

  • Actual History (must have signed permission slip from the City Council to enroll in this course)

  • Library Science (RESTRICTED COURSE)

  • Library Self-Defence (free weekly practice, open to all)

  • Mouthless Screaming

  • Non-Euclidean Figurine Drawing (mental health certificate required. Usual tuition, plus five sanity points)

  • Exorcism

  • Raising Scorpions for Beginners (first year course)

  • Raising Scorpions for Survivors (second year course)

  • How To Spin Your Own Cocoon

  • Catch and Clean Your Ideal Mate

  • Trees: What are they? WHO are they?

  • Controlled Burn Safety

  • Angels and Why They Just Don't Exist

  • Space: The Endless Void, or Sanity Saving Fiction?



For those interested in signing up for Night Vale Community College, just keep an eye out for the black envelope with the wax seal! Due to budget cuts, it's the same envelope that tells you if you're expecting. Remember, it's blue for a boy, pink for a girl, and white for community college!







Thanks to Smiley_Cow for betaing!

This story is the result of when Phosfate misheard Rosencrantz saying that he was taking Human Organs for university instead of Human Origins.

Deleted courses:

  • how to spot and kill your clone

  • Writing Your Manifesto

  • Opening Your Third Eye

  • Angels and how to deny them

  • Dark Prophecies (graduate course)

  • Basket Weaving (taught by Steve Carlsberg, don’t take this one. It’ll be just awful)

  • Echolocation

  • Limb regeneration

  • Alchemy for beginners

  • Alchemy for intermediates

  • Alchemy for grandmasters

  • Alchemy for hooded figures (restricted course)

  • What are birds? (Essay answer: We just don’t know)

  • Dissections

  • Concrete Camera: Photographing Your Final Legacy





Original openers:

Listeners, Night Vale Community College has just been re-introduced to this reality and this is the new courses they're offering this fall!

Good news, listeners! Night Vale Community College is gearing up for another semester have a ten year other-dimensional hiatus and here's the great courses it's offering this year!
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